1 Investigator + Dancing Like An Idiot + Vodka/Red Wine = Sweet jeezus my head is going to explode!
Oh sweet mary...my legs and hips are sore and my head is pounding. The great thing is I had a fantastic time last night, and the worst part? I think we got home at about 12:30am and I didn't have more than a glass of red wine and two Vodka Cranberry drinks over a period of about 4 hours. I remember when that amount of booze was what I had before I even got out of the house!
I am now a grown man in my early thirties and I'm getting too old for this shit. Actually, scratch that...I am too old for this. I think I say this everytime but the realization hit this morning, I want some stability in my life...my personal life.
I came home last night to a cold house, an empty bed, and a pile of work that I need to get done before next Wednesday. The work isn't an issue but I need to have a life outside of work. I have been extremely lucky (blessed...whatever) in getting to where I am today in my career.
My personal life is another story. My personal life has always been a little less..structured? I'm not sure what the word is that I'm looking for...it's just hard to explain. I've developed a history of getting into relationships that I know from the very start will go nowhere. If for some reason things get serious I just bail out and move on. Not good for anyone. I've hurt people and I've been hurt and I can't do this anymore.
After taking a shower and getting into bed, I noticed a couple of voicemail messages on my cell phone. They were from a woman that I've developed a very close relationship with in the last year. Just hearing her voice made me feel like everything was good with the world. Sure, it may have been the wine and aspirin that made me a little bit emotional but I know that I'm in love with her. I've loved her for a long time. She is a woman that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with, something that I really didn't think it would ever be possible with anyone.
I don't know whats going to happen between us but for the first time in my life I'm really excited about the possibilities of a relationship.
I know I've kind of rambled and this is not investigation related but I just need to do this sometimes...clearing the head and heart. It feels good.