Wicked Witch Of The West...Coast.

The jury trial was a difficult one...PC 288 trials always are.

Especially when you know, that deep down in your heart, your client is innocent.

It's also hard because nobody in their right mind likes a person that has been even been accused of a 288. You were too lazy to click on the 288 link? Let me spell it out for you:

288. (a) Any person who willfully and lewdly commits any lewd or lascivious act, including any of the acts constituting other crimes provided for in Part 1, upon or with the body, or any part or memberthereof, of a child who is under the age of 14 years, with the intent of arousing, appealing to, or gratifying the lust, passions, or sexual desires of that person or the child, is guilty of a felony and shall be punished by imprisonment in the state prison for three,six, or eight years.

In jail/prison, you can be an inmate that was arrested for murdering an old nun, burglarizing a church, pistol whipping a handicapped grandfather senseless, beating an old dog within an inch of its life, but if you mess with a child...you're toast. Even if you go to jury trial, and are found innocent...you're always going to be guilty in the eyes of the people that you were once accused of doing the worst of deeds to the most innocent of all...a child.

What could make the mother of all 288 jury trials easier to handle?

This exchange between the female District Attorney and the complaining witness she just brought up to the stand, a 14 year-old girl:

DISTRICT ATTORNEY (DA): Tell me Ms. Child, do you know the difference between a the truth and a lie?

CHILD: Ummm...no?

DA: (Long pause while opening her fists like crazy crab claws) You don't know the difference?

CHILD: No. Yes. No?

DA: (Gives the jury a very strained smile, an almost sickly, but pained smile)

Note that the jury is not flinching or showing any emotion at this point.

DA: If I told you that it was night outside right now, would I be telling the truth or a lie?

CHILD: It's night outside?

DA: Can you give me a moment your honor?

JUDGE: (silence)

DA: Okay, Ms. Child. Look at me.

The DA stands in the middle of the courtroom in her black dress and jacket with both of her arms held straight out away from her body...looking like a short, letter t.

DA: If I told you I was a Witch..would I be lying or telling the truth?

CHILD: Ummm...the truth.

Sometimes...and ONLY sometimes...It's really all about the little victories...the ones you'll remember till you're old, telling your friends war stories over a few cocktails, or trying to impress the flight attendant you met on your way back home from Long Beach, hoping that she lives near you or is at least staying in a hotel within a reasonable driving distance from your own destination.

Yup, nothing like 288 cases to impress the chicks.

If you can't laugh about it sometimes, you'll go absolutely batshit crazy. That much I can promise you.