A Hamburger In My Pocket

I was sitting in court this morning, called in last minute to assist in setting the foundation for some photographs I took on a case I couldn't even remember working several months ago.

I didn't do any interviews or background work...just a few simple crime scene photos, so I didn't have to read any reports to catch up on the case.

While waiting, for my case to be called, I had to sit through the end of a preliminary hearing on a drug case. A fresh faced young cop, stuffed into what looked like a new suit was struggling to act cool on the stand and an old school private defense attorney was putting him through his paces.

I wasn't really paying attention to until I heard the following:

Defense Attorney: So you saw my client in the park from your squad car?

Kid Cop: Yes, thats correct.

Defense Attorney: What did you see him doing?

Kid Cop: He was standing against a tree,smoking an object that appeared to be what is know as a makeshift bong.

(A whole lot of questioning that I wasn't paying attention to)

Defense Attorney: So did you see my clientholding anything else?

Kid Cop: No, just the pipe.

Defense Attorney: Nothing else? Nothing on the ground?

Kid Cop: No

Defense Attorney: Mmmm Hmmmm. Now, the property log indicates that the fast food bag you took from my client that was full of what you reported as marijuana...also had a Hamburger in it?

Kid Cop: Yes, thats correct.

Defense Attorney: But you say that you only saw my client with the purported drug paraphanalia. Where was the fast food bag with the hamburger inside?

Kid Cop: I'm not sure...it could have been on his person....most likely in his pocket.

(a long pause by the Defense Attorney...the Judge gave a long confused look)

Defense Attorney: Ummm, are you telling me Officer Kid Cop, that it is a common practice for people to put hamburgers in their pockets?

Kid Cop: Unfortunately...yes.

The result of the prelim? Despite the not so credible testimony of Officer Kid Cop, our client was...bound over.

Yup, you win some you lose some.

I'm Just Getting To A Place Where I Can Finally Talk About IT

What is IT?

The Charger/Patriots game on Sunday.

Stupid Patriots.

We'll be back next year for you talentless hacks.

Go Saints!!!

Hoping To Get Pepper Sprayed With The Good Sh*T

Let's just imagine, that due to circumstances beyond my control, I was a criminal.

Instead of becoming a Public Defender Investigator, I had turned to a life of crime.

Instead of walking the straight line, I turned to selling dime bags on the corner and ripping stereo's out of unlocked cars and selling them for 20 bucks a square.

Let's just imagine I went on a week long crime spree, holding up McDonald's restaurants across the country at gunpoint and scaring the shit of anyone that tried to stop me.

Let's just imagine, that I prey on innocent (and not so innocent) old ladies, giving them a good crack on the head and taking their rent and bingo money...just because I could.

Let's just imagine, one day I walk up to the driver's side of silver 2007 Porche Cayenne at a stoplight with a really hot chick sitting in the front seat, talking absentmindedly to someone on her cell phone, not paying a damned bit attention to her surroundings.

Let's imagine that I smash her driver's side window in with my weighted, gloved fist and reach into the driver's compartment to take her purse AND her phone. The purse because its easy to take while its sitting in her lap and her phone as punishment for being so oblivious.

Let's just imagine that before I know whats happening, she quickly grabs a metallic, shiny object, bringing it in line with with my face and she fires off to quick shots...I step back stunned, then collapse in a crumpled, writhing heap. The pepper spray is burning my face and eyes causing a pain I can't even begin to describe.

I hope to G*d the day never comes when I turn my life over to crime AND get pepper sprayed in the face, but if it does, I want that pepper spray to be Designer Pepper Spray encrusted with Ruby Crystals on a smooth steel finish.

Dear lord, what is this world coming to?

Oh, Hell Yeah!!!

I won a Rodney at the first ever, 2006 Public Defender Blogger Awards!!!

Here is a photo of me backstage after I accepted my award (This will be the only pic you ever get of me):

I know, I know, please don't say it, I don't need to be reminded...I overdressed.

I was afraid that if I didn't go all out and wear the tuxedo (rented of course), that I would come in looking underdressed. Thank G*d I did though! (hushed whisper) Let me just tell you that Blonde Justice came in wearing pink pajama bottoms and I just knew, and I mean knew, she was kicking herself for not taking the event more seriously. Skelly came in his very conservative black robe, which I think was probably a bit too formal...but who am I to judge?

Everyone looked fantastic and all the winners earned their well-deserved awards. Take a look at the winning blogs here and make sure to check out the runner-ups too!

Important Note:

I realize that I may have been the only Investigator in my category, but ya know what? There isn't anything I could do about it!!! My feeling is that Greg Worthen of Public Defender Stuff and the Public Defender Investigator Network will be included in next years nominations AND I have a good feeling that there might be another PD Investigator blog popping up in the next few months. I know next year will be tougher going and I'll be ready for them! I've vowed to improve my writing and posting consistency in the hopes that I get nominated for other categories again and actually have a chance next time!

I'm Full Of It. You Know....it.

I've been asked several times this week about the resolutions I made for 2007:

Smart Woman: Oh, so my husband and I made resolutions to volunteer for some public service, at least 20 hours a month, go to the gym, AND we're going to travel a LOT more. Probably out of the country...most likely Costa Rica. What are your resolutions?
Me: You're married?
Smart Woman: Yes! You didn't know that? Why do you ask?

Me: I don't know...Why don't you ever wear a ring?

Smart Woman: Because my wedding ring doesn't fit on my finger anymore! Jerk.

Me: I wish I had asked you what you were going to volunteer for instead.

Smart Woman: So do I. (quickly walks away)

How the hell was I supposed to know! She really wasn't that upset. I don't think she was that upset. She asked what I was doing for lunch later in the morning but I was busy with cases and I had to work through lunch.

Sometimes I wonder why I even talk to people.

__________________________

I was reading through the local section of the newspaper that cover's California Crimes and I came across a story that peaked my interest in a town a few hours north of me. I won't give you too many details because its really only the last few lines in the article that I'm talking about:

Police continued searching Tuesday for Chad Charles Lodel, 28, of Vacaville, whom they believe may have information regarding Terwilliger's death.

"Our next main objective is to find him and talk with him," said Lt.Jan Makowski. "We definitely want to get his side of the story before we jump to any conclusions."

Helloooooo?!?! Is this what happens when you can't talk to a witness, you just jump to conclusions? I'm sure it wasn't meant the way it sounded but it gave me a good giggle anyway.

_______________________________

Not much new is happening here on the homefront, although today is the LAST DAY TO VOTE for the 2006 PUBLIC DEFENDER BLOG AWARDS at PD Stuff! I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't be happy to have an award link with my Rodney placed prominently on the right side of my blog AND I'm hoping that this backlash of ABS (Anybody But Sancho) doesn't ruin my chances at an award this year. Damn you anonymous reader, damn you!!!

However you vote, just vote! It's easier than heating popcorn.

en-ig-mat-ic

en-ig-mat-ic [ennig-mattik]: hard to understand: having a quality of mystery and ambiguity and so difficult to understand or interpret.

Those of you that watched the fantastic season premiere of Beauty and The Geek (B&TG) tonight will understand (or not?) what this means. Those that didn't, well, maybe go to their website and watch clips from it or look for a rerun on the boob tube...but more on that in a bit.

I've haven't been posting very much in the last few days because I've been working on setting up my new blog which will be hosted at a new site. If it continues to be a big pain in the ass, I may have to wait a few weeks till I have more time available to do the big conversion.

Okay, back to B&TG.

I have two favorites, Jennylee for the chicks and this goofy nerd, Piao. You can check out Piao's profile here...BUT don't waste too much time on him, why? Take a look at this hot little mamacita!

(I'm Probably Going To Say Some Creepy Things Warning)

After watching the show, I went on the CW website to track down Jennylee's profile...AND GUESS WHAT?! I FOUND A SIGN THAT WE'RE MEANT FOR EACHOTHER! Take a little peek at her profile:

JENNYLEE (U.F.C. Ring Girl)

Age: 22

Hometown: Sherman Oaks, California and Las Vegas, Nevada

Current Location: Sherman Oaks, California

Occupation: Model and considering a career in fitness and nutrition.

Interests: "I love yoga and cuddling with my dog, Sancho. I just started taking pole dancing classes and love it! There is nothing like a manicure/pedicure."

Ummm, hello! Can you say perfect for me? I think I can! I'm still not clear on the origin of the bizarre name she has...or at least the strange spelling. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it must be a Nevada thing. I'll have to keep watching to make sure she's the Beauty for me, but right about now I'm feeling pretty confident.

I'm mostly looking foward to the cuddling.

Mostly.